Spring 2004

English 101.10 -- Language and Composition I

Revision

We all know that 'vision' is a word that means 'seeing.' Re-Vision, then, refers to re-seeing (or seeing again, in a new way), and that is exactly what you do when you revise a paper.

You might use new examples or explanations to give your readers a different look at the topic, or you might re-tell your essay in a way that is effective for a different audience or forum. You might re-work the paper with a different tone, or change it from exposition (explanation) to narrative, or instead of telling a story might attempt to persuade readers. Another way to revise is to examine a different part of your topic that you may have only briefly the first time you wrote the paper.

There are three main activities that writers use when they revise, and you should aim to demonstrate all three in the revisions you do for the portfolio:

• Adding
• Subtracting or deleting
• Changing or rearranging

In other words, look for opportunities to add new points, thoughts, or examples. Be aware of parts of the paper that no longer fit very well, and delete or change those parts. (Save your deletions in another file so that you still have them if you change your mind later).

Why Revise?
There are several different reasons why writers revise. In some cases, the you may be a ware that the existing draft still isn't what you want it to be. You may already be aware of places in your papers where you know more research is needed, or where you know you had more to say, but ran out of time. If that's the case, then that is the first place to begin revising. Alternately, you may read over your earlier papers and feel that it doesn't sound as good as you would like it to, thus prompting you to revise the overall tone of your writing (see 'local revision' below).

A second reason to revise is to challenge yourself as a writer. Is your first draft absolutely wonderful and impossible to improve upon? If that is the case, then use revision as a way to experiment with a different style and format of writing and try to discover the possibilities and limits of what writing can do. You might refocus an essay about an existing topic for a new audience, forum, or purpose.

Finally, because writing down thoughts in a paper is a lot like thinking thoughts in your mind, revision is also about continuing to think about your topic. Seldom do people say, "My thinking is perfect and I know everything, therefore I will stop thinking." Even if you think your first draft is perfect, chances are that you have not yet explored every possible facet of your topic. Use revision as a way to think more and learn more about the topic. Change the focus of your paper so that considers a new angle or addresses new questions.

So, revise to:

• Resolve problems and issues you are already aware of in your drafts.
• Experiment with tone/style and explore the possibilities and limits of writing.
• Rewrite for a new audience, forum, or purpose.
• Explore another side of an argument or issue (doing so can often strengthen your ability to support your own position).
• Continue thinking and learning about your topic.

Global Revision
When we think of anything on a global scale, we think in terms of the whole world. Likewise, 'global revision' refers to revising the whole of your text, not just one paragraph or a few sentences. As such, global revision includes changing the audience or forum for your essay, or extensively reworking the paper so that it is more appropriate for it's current audience or forum. See Global Revision Tips for more information.

Local Revision
Local revision is smaller-scale revision at the paragraph, sentence, or word level. It involves rewriting sentences so that they sound better, using better vocabulary, or streamlining 'wordy' phrases.

Some tips for local revision:

• Use a variety of sentence lengths. Too many long sentences will make the writing seem rushed, and too many short sentences will make the writing sound immature and stilted.
• Use variety when beginning sentences. For example, don't begin every sentence with 'I' because it will make the writing sound choppy. If you always begin your sentences with a 'subject verb' pattern, try using some introductory phrases.
• When possible, combine sentences to make the writing more fluid and graceful.
• Avoid repetition of words and phrases, as this, too, will cause the writing to sound less mature and less interesting.
• Try to find more exciting verbs that "was" "were" "are" "am"-- these aren't bad, and many times are necessary, but if you can find other action words to use, it will often make your writing more lively and interesting.
• Use a thesaurus to improve your vocabulary, but always look up the definitions of the suggested words to make sure the precise meaning is appropriate. For example, "strolled" and "marched" can both be used to replace the word "walked", but each one changes the meaning of the sentence in a different way.

Let's say this was part of the first draft:

"The ducks were in the pond by the road. The ducks were yellow and didn't like all the noise from the cars. The ducks would flap their wings, and try to fly away when a car came down the road. They were still too small to fly."

"The ducks" is repeated too often. So as a writer, I want to change that. Some of these short sentences can also be combined to sound better. This paragraph also doesn't create a very vivid picture in my mind, so if I add more description, it will become more interesting:

"The fluffy, yellow ducklings bobbled in the pond next to the winding asphalt road. As cars roared past under the hot sun, smelling of tar and gasoline, the ducklings stretched out their necks hopefully to the sky, flapping their miniature wings and honking desperately."

Okay, you can see the difference, right?

Copyediting
Copyediting deals with correcting spelling, punctuation and other mechanical issues in writing. (Note that 'grammar' is also a part of local revision since it deals with sentence construction). You should 'correct' your final portfolio drafts before turning them in. Refer to the Online Grammar and Punctuation link on the Resources page.

Revision in the Portfolio
You will be expected to demonstrate Global revision in your revised portfolio papers by adding, deleting, and changing the content. In some of your revisions, you will also make changes to the audience, forum, or purpose of the paper. Local revision is also expected, but it can not substitute for global revision in the portfolio.

You will need to revise all of your previous papers, but need not totally rewrite all of them. Instead, read carefully through your papers and decide which revision strategies to use with which paper. For some, you might only revise one point or a few paragraphs, while for others your revisions may involve reworking substantial portions of the paper. You may choose to focus primarily on *local* revision for one of your revised papers, provided that you are making sentence or word level changes to the majority of the paper. Your goal is to demonstrate that you can use each of the different strategies.

Revision Questions
Try answering the following questions about each of your papers. Then choose at least one paper to revise for a new audience:

1. What are aspects of your topic that you haven't discussed in your paper? What questions do you still have about your topic?

2. Who might be interested in reading about your topic? List at least three possible audiences.

3. Choose one of the possible audiences from your answer to question two and list three more specific sub-audiences. For example, if one of my answers to question two was "People who are interested in horses" then I might think of the following audiences that fit into that category: Non-horse owners, Olympic dressage riders, and participants in the Wild Horse Adoption Program. What are some specific audiences for your own topic(s)?

4. How would you need to change your paper in order to write effectively for one of the new audiences you thought of?