I love stories, especially stories about different worlds. Among the many stories in the science fiction and fantasy genres that I enjoy is James Gurney's Dinotopia series and its various off-shoots, including the movie (technically a three-part television mini-series). Dinotopia (the art books, book series, and the movie) is full of coming-of-age themes about people (and dinosaurs) finding their place in the world and discovering their inner strengths. One of my favorite scenes from the movie is right after David, recently shipwrecked on the island and forced to begin a new life there, has been rejected by the Skybax (pterosaurs) and expelled from his training as a flier. The moment has particular meaning because he originally thought his assignment to the flier training was a mistake and didn't want to be there in the first place; however, he had worked hard and overcome his fears. Then he fails at the ceremony were he is to take his first flight-- the Skybax circling in the air overhead ignore him when he calls to them. He is dismissed from the academy and told that he will never ride a Skybax.

Disappointed but determined, he later returns to the flying cliff to try again. This time, as he begins to summon the Skybax, he is hit with the realization that Freefall, the albino pteranodon (a seperate species related to the Skybax) he had previously met is there watching him. He lights up with hope and calls the pteranodon instead. Freefall, who was rejected by his own kind because of being albino, flies to the cliff in answer, and the two soar off together in a never-before-seen cooperation between human and pteranodon. Those scenes are full of perseverance, failure, rejection, hope, discovery, redemption, and finally, delight.

I think the spiritual invokes so many emotions and transformations on so many levels of our being. We all go through times of doubt and epiphany as we learn about who we are and how we can best BE in the world. The inner drive toward wholeness, healing, and taking our place in a larger context is something we all share.

Just like David and Freefall, many of us don't fit easily into expected categories. Sometimes, I think those of us who approach our faith in a more open, creative, or contemplative way need to know that there are others out there like us. There is something very human about wanting to be part of a community where one is understood.

The following are some of my thoughts and reflections about matters of personal faith.

One of the issues, both academic and personal, that speaks to me deeply is the importance of finding and celebrating common ground. Often, what is needed is just a little creative vision-- a different way of seeing that allows a fuller, deeper understanding to emerge.

My background is Christian, and I also believe that other religions offer beauty, inspiration, and wisdom. Judging others is very distasteful to me. And while it may seem at odds with much of the religious rhetoric circulating in the world today, it doesn't make sense that one could be a Christian without seeing other people's beauty and dignity or without disliking judgmental, condemning attitudes. God's love brings wholeness and healing; it seems wrong to ever use a gift like that in a condemning way. A god who comes to move among his people, to share in their suffering, and invite them into healing and wholeness is a beautiful idea and example; it's something that should bring people together, not divide them.

I would rather focus on encouraging and inspiring people to realize their great value and potential. We all have our unique journeys, struggles, and questions. I think each one of us experiences God in our own way. Creeds and traditions have their place, but there is something deeper. To me, God comes to me in the midst of my times of distress--a comforting prescence. And there have been so many times when my prayers have been answered. I often find that the answers to those prayers were set in motion long before I prayed-- there have been times when God has utterly surprised me, times when situations fell into place so perfectly that it must have been divinely choreographed. Often, this happens after a time of struggle and prayer that requires me to clarify various aspects of my life. Over the years I have seen the pattern and learned to worry less and trust more.

God also has a sense of humor, in a poetic justice type of way. Once in the middle of winter, I was walking along bragging to some friends about being able to walk so well on the ice, and how people down south don't know how to deal with ice and snow (I will point out that one of my best friends lives in Tennesee and was one of the people I was good-naturedly joking with about this). No sooner had the words left my mouth than I slipped and went crashing to the ground. Never make fun of anyone ;) Other times God's humor is more symbolic, like the time my sister saw a bluejay sitting on top of a sign that had a blue letter J on it. Moments of synchronicity are like love letters from God.

To me, faith is not a set of rules, but a matter of guiding principles-- a living stream of beauty and divine presence. God is big enough to handle all of my questions and questing, so I figure I can just honestly bring everything before God. One of the big lessons of faith is that it is okay to have questions, to wonder (and have a sense of wonder), and to not have everything completely figured out. There is room for mystery and heartfelt awe in the world. Mostly, there is room for Love-- love for God and love for people, and love for all of God's amazing creatures and artistry. God has created each one of us as our own gift-wrapped mystery, and I think God delights in us as we discover the treasure woven into each one of us.

One of the core spiritual principles of my faith is the belief that when people encounter such things as goodness, hope, compassion, love, or accetance, etc., it is transformative in a way that ripples outward to change the whole world, even as it brings wholeness to the individual. Thus, everyone is better as a result of the kindness or love experienced by one person.

Music and Faith

I feel that music and art are important and powerful ways through which one can learn about faith. In fact, when I was growing up, I really did learn a lot about my faith from music, moreso than from sermons, in fact. These aesthetic forms help us to expand our vision and challenge our understanding. For example, Michael Card wrote a song called "God's Own Fool" that expresses part of the reason Jesus is such an inspiring figure. The song emphasizes a sense of paradox, and in doing so casts Jesus in an ironically heroic light with the lines "When we in our foolishness thought we were wise, he played the fool and he opened our eyes; When we in our weakness believed we were strong, he became helpless to show we were wrong." It's a beautiful and moving lyric that expresses part of what is so likeable about Jesus as someone who wasn't often what people expected him to be, but always seemed to be surprising and even shocking people by the things he said and did. Another song, "Scribbling in the Sand" also shows the unexpected, unconventional, and profoundly loving side of Jesus.

Artistic expression is an important aspect of spirituality. Spirituality is kind of like the poetry of life. While God's existence can't be empirically proven, in a way, that kind of proof isn't the point. People tend to connect with ideas about and experiences of the Divine on an emotional and personal level. It is about making sense of experience, feeling a call to live in a more fullfilling way, and discovering one's connection to the universe and to other living beings. Faith certainly can be subjective, and that's one of the reasons I feel people need to be humble about their spiritual views.

Interesting Articles

I like articles that give a good, in-depth consideration to the topics they set out to explore. The following links are about energy healing from a Christian perspective-- but not in the stereotypical and dismissive way that is usually seen. These authors introduce a level of sophistocation into the discussion that I appreciate. Everything in these articles doesn't necessarily reflect my own thinking, but overall, I think the authors make some worthwhile points. In particular, I appreciate the discussion of a theology of creation as compared to a theology of the Fall. It makes sense that believers in a post-redemption world certainly would have more of an emphasis on a theology of creation (focusing on the good aspects of life and humanity--the gifts and provision of God, rather than on the negative).

Thoughts on Healing

For myself, I find that healing flows out of love for God, and out of joy. I had one amazing experience a few years ago when I had badly ruptured a disc in my lower back. The rupture shattered the bone around the nerve, filled 2/3 of my spinal column in that area with the debris, and literally moved the nerve, not just pinched it. The displaced nerve caused sciatica and numbness below my right knee, and the pain and muscle spasms around the rupture and right hip was the most intense physical pain I've experienced.

A neurosurgeon who looked at my MRI results told me that surgery was the only option. However, I was in the middle of getting ready to move back to Illinois, and I didn't have the option of taking weeks off to recover from back surgery. So, I decided to wait until after the move. The pain was bad, but I didn't miss a single day of teaching. I dutifully limped across campus each day and met with my classes (cheerfully) as scheduled during that last month. Each and every step hurt so much.

During that time, I prayed, I wrote to friends about exciting personal discoveries and my sense of calling (as a peacemaker), I blew the shofar, and I enjoyed the beauty of gemstones. I didn't do any of those things with an expectation of it affecting my physical condition, but I did them just as a spontaneous expression because I delighted in the sounds, the sights, the worship, and the friendship. One afternoon, within about ten minutes of praying, blowing the shofar, and admiring a new, pretty blue Shattuckite/Ajoite cabochon I had just received, the pain and numbness disappeared! It literally went away, and that evening, I enjoyed about two hours completely free of pain and numbness. It did gradually return as the evening went on, but I was so full of joy because of praise and excitement that even when the pain and numbness returned, I remained so joyous that I didn't really care.

In my mind and heart, I was at peace and happy despite the pain, which was never as bad after that as it had been before. I experienced waves of joy, which felt like being surrounded by sunlight and warmth, and the pain literally did not matter to me anymore. I was able to endure it and go about my daily work for weeks after that. It felt like the heart of life itself was smiling all around me, and my spirit was also smiling back.

[I do notice that the experience was a convergence of delighting in God, nature/visual beauty, sound, and fellowship. Maybe it was something about all of those coming together that helped me to be open to receive God's blessing. I think God's love and blessing is all around us, just waiting for us to slow down and notice and become open to it. Sometimes I think we can get so busy that we can kind of tune it out, but God is always there waiting for us, to accept us and love us in the midst of whatever we are going through. Once, more than a decade ago, during a time of intense isolation, I felt so alone that I thought the emotional pain might do me in, no action required. I laid down and just gave up. And when I did so, I immediately felt God's kiss on my forehead and the anguish I was feeling was just lifted off of me, and I felt a deep peace. Somehow, God always comes to the rescue :) But back to the story about my back.... ]

The next day, someone at work asked me how I was feeling, and my immediate response was, "I am doing great! After all, it's only pain." I meant it. I was happier than I had been before the rupture.

I learned a lot from that experience. I learned that even in the midst of pain, great comfort, peace, and joy are possible, and they far outshine physical discomfort. From that point forward, my back continued to get better, and in another month, I had made a full recovery. I never did get around to having any surgery for it. Ever since then, I've known that my circumstances, no matter what they might seem like, can't keep me from being happy.

The drum is one of the universal instruments that can be found in most, if not all, cultures. I do have a drum, and even though I am a beginner, I play it for two very personal reasons: to relieve stress, and as an act of prayer and contemplation. For me, the drum has spiritual significance as a worship instrument. It represents how all sound, and the vibrations that caused matter, come from the very first sound, God's voice, unleashing the universe and what we know as reality (reminiscent of String Theory or Membrane Theory from physics). My drum, a Celtic Bodhran, has a circular Celtic knot painted on the drum head. The knot is a representation of eternity, since it does not begin or end, and is entwined so many ways. To me, the total design of the drum, and the drumming itself, is a reminder of how, as creations of the first sound, we are part of that sound and echo it back to our creator. "The universe painted on a drum" as it were. I will have to remember that line, because I think it would be nice to use it in a poem. [I also enjoy my singing bowl, and it has much of the same meaning. Some people say the harmonics are good for the brain.]

The drum also speaks to me in other ways. I feel a personal connection with the drum, and it has taken me a while to figure out why that is. As I reflect on it, I realize that in many ways, I am like the drum, because a drum is meant to accompany, enhance, and support the other sounds around it, rather than overpower them or drown them out. I have often felt that my prefered role is the same-- to accompany and support. I have a few consistent and simple messages, and I like to help people to "hear God's heartbeat."

The drum also seems to me to be a very honest instrument, even humble in its way. While a drum can at times be loud, many of its more unique and interesting sounds occur at less than maximum volume. A drum does not have to be deafening in order to be bold or effective. Have no doubts, the drum is a leader: the best leadership empowers others. It has a steady, gentle power, just like God's love that is woven throughout all of creation, always there supporting us. The drum reminds us of God's heartbeat by echoing it. The drum is a true leader-- it establishes the beat and supports the whole effort, reminds us of what is simple and sacred, but not in a way that controls, overpowers, or drowns out the other instruments. A drum helps to bring different sounds together in a complimentary and harmonious way. And that is why drums are beautiful.

Destiny

The universe painted on a drum
unfolds with the echoing beat
of God's Heart

Deep in the silence,
in the emptiness that reaches
between the smallest particles in you and me
flows the Love that holds all things together

God is singing; God is dreaming
and we are the song, we are the dream,
and we must remember the heartbeat
that echos through our very Being

Because that Heart of Love
that makes you, you and makes me, me
is speaking, is singing, is crying out,
to a world that so often forgets
that at its core,
deep within,
is a Love that flows through time,
a Love that heals, and a Love that breaks
all the chains of pain and fear.

Love is speaking at the very Heart
of every soul that longs to find true destiny,
the true unity, the harmony
that is flowing,
that waits for us to see
that God's heart beats for us, through us, with us,
in all our deepest, secret, most sacred dreams,
Waiting to shine through us,
Waiting for us to know
that we are the living echo
of that Great Heart,
the celebration of divine artistry,
Free, and clear, and unafraid,

That is Healing,
That is Blessing,

The shofar also has very deep symbolism and spiritual meaning. It's about the breath of the Spirit flowing through us, and echoing God's voice. It embodies both celebration and humbless.

I have a shofar as long as my arm, and when I sound it, it can lift me out of whatever stress I may be experiencing. The sound is a vibration, an extension. It's like a cry to God-- prayerful, full of desperate yearing, and triumphant and full of promise all at once. It always seems to stir my joy on a spiritual level-- on a level higher and deeper than I can understand. I really enjoy it. It breaks me out of whatever concerns I may have that day and helps me to move my focus in a better direction.

Lately, for me the verse that says, "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your mind, and all of your strength" has taken on a deeper meaning. And that is that he says to love him with all of *my* heart and my mind and my strength-- not with what is in someone else's heart, or according to someone else's thinking, but to love him with everything he has put into me. He has made each of us unique, with different gifts and interests and personalities, and because he has designed us in this way, each one of us gives ourself back to God in a special way, as we love him with all that he has made us to be. That is worship at it's best, just loving God with everything he has put into us and thanking him for everything. He made me to be one of those crazy artist types, full of imagination and creativity, so that's often how my outpouring of love and gratitude and awe for God expresses itself. If I have a tendency toward abstract thought, I will use it to praise God. If I enjoy rocks, I will do so in an outporing of thankfullness and gratuitude to God.

And if I like the genres of science fiction and fantasy, that enjoyment will be praise to the One who first imagined imagination.

Scripture says the Lord cares a very great deal about our hearts and attitudes, and I think when it comes to matters of faith that is what matters most.

I love stones and crystals because they speak to me so deeply about faith. First, there is their age to consider. Probably all of the naturally formed crystals I have are much older than I am. I try to wrap my mind around the immensity of their age. History is a tremondous thing and can be hard to relate to, and yet thinking about all the time that has passed during the formation and existance of a stone is a reminder of that great reality. It's humbling, beholding something that will long outlast my earthly existence. It is also inspiring to think about how vast a picture I am part of as well. I believe that like all things, the gems of nature exist to glorify and praise God.

I also love them because they are, to me, very beautiful. I call them works of art. They are a testamony to God's artistry. Each one is unique, and their beauty is a slow beauty that has taken unimaginable amounts of time to form. That is encouraging, because it is a reminder that God is slowly continuing to form and shape each one of us, transforming us more and more into his beautiful children (and even more importantly, helping us to realize this identity he has already given us so that we can live out his divine love in a world that so badly needs healing and compassion).

I find gem stones to be encouraging, uplifting, inspiring, symbolic, and their light and beauty expresses in physical form some of the best feelings I feel inside, but can't find words for. Where the language of words fails, God has created a language of his own artwork to express the unutterable. He sings to my inner spirit through his amazing creations, and draws me closer to his own heart.

Worship sometimes leaps up on the table and walks past me, brushing my nose with her silky tail-- my beautiful black cat, Yoshie. I once heard someone say that the difference between human beings and animals is the human ability to create art. But animals are living art-- every breath, every movement, every expressive pose speaks volumes about the wonderous imagination of the Creator. Art has many purposes-- to amuse, to inspire, to stir us to appreciation, to provide insight, to communicate, or to prompt us to consider and share our own interpretations. Art invites us into the realm of relationship and feeling through formulating and sharing our responses and interpretations of it. God's artistry invites our awe and appreciation, and thus, ushers us into a space of worship within our hearts, our minds, and our beings.

There are many ways to worship. Obvious ones include song, prayer, study, and contemplation. Worship can also come in the form of service to others, work, heartfelt play, or living one's gifts. But seeing and expressing thankfulness to the Lord for the creatures he has designed and placed in our lives is also a form of true worship, for worship is our being's honest and overflowing expression of awe, love, and thankfulness to God, a celebration that we and God commune together in spirit and in truth.

So, when I see my cat being her true cat-self, with movements and expressions and habits that are distinctly cat-ish, I praise God for having thought to form and breathe life into such a creature and having placed that unique creation in my life, at that exact moment, to share with me as together we delight in his creativity, majesty, and humor.

There is comfort in spiritual things, in prayers and in blowing the shofar, fingering the prayer beads, gazing into the landscape made by the swirling colors of a tumbled gemstone. Feeling the warmth of a tallit draped across my shoulders, like a protective covering over my fragile dreams and longings reminds me of God’s perpetual nearness. The light I sometimes feel in my heart confirms this inner truth.

When I think about what really matters, it is the things of the spirit that come to mind (wholeness, fellowship, joy, peace, purpose), and the earthly things that help my spirit to resonate with the creator of the universe and with the beauty of creation. I love the sweet resonant call of the shofar, a purifying sound that rises in my soul and lifts me out of everyday concerns. More recently, I've strated playing the flute, improvising and playing for relaxation and spiritual expression.

I love to feel the cool smoothness of a stone in my hand as I pray, reminding me of God’s artistry and beauty. There is so much beauty all around us.

During times of intense emotional stress while I was still a graduate student, a set of lapis dyed fossil prayer beads, handmade by a monk at a hermitage, provided comfort. I would pray around the circle of beads, saying a longer prayer on the last large bead on the way out (a prayer like Saint Francis’ peace prayer). While it is true that God does not need repetition in our prayers, the repetition of the shorter prayers for each of the beads helped to calm my mind and get me focused off of my problems and reflecting on God’s power, goodness, and faithfulness instead. During times of turmoil or stress, this process had a soothing effect--kind of like how breathing into a paper bag can help someone who is hyperventilating. The prayer beads are helpful in a crisis.

A prayer shawl is another spiritual worship aid that I enjoy. The prayer shawl serves as symbolic reminder of being wrapped up in God’s love and grace, as well as the healing and higher purpose that he gives.

The merkaba star, a three-dimensional representation of the Flower of Life from Sacred Geometry, had a powerful effect on me the first time I saw it. It was an amethyst crystal that basically looked like a three dimensional Star of David. From one angle it looked like the Star of David, but when turned another way, it looked like a cross. The flower of life is supposed to represent the building blocks, the pattern, according to which all matter in the universe is made. Imagine the awesome realization that woven into the very fabric of all that is are two symbols, the Star of David and the Cross, forever a part of one other, forever blending from one to the other in a perfect cosmic whole.

These tangible symbols help me to get in touch with the intangible things of the spirit, and they make my faith more personally meaningful in the process. Each represents a spiritual reality:

God's love wraps arounds us like a prayer shawl;
God's sound and spirit flows through us, like the shofar or flute;
God's comfort and steadiness sustains us and anchors us, like the prayer beads;
God's creation blesses and inspires us, like the gemstone;
God's wonder connects us to all things and shows how all things are connected in Him, like the Flower of Life.

Love, sound and spirit, comfort, blessing, inspiration, wonder, and connection-- these are the tools of faith.

Susan E. Antlitz, Ph.D.

F a i t h & S p i r i t u a l i t y